Conversare – a contribution to ‘really’ radical thinking on connecting

Have you noticed the increasing number of commentaries on the idea that ‘Through developments in electricity and technology we have created a way of life which is utterly unstainable’.

And, in parallel, ‘Technology will not save us from climate change – but imagining new forms of society will’. 

Would you say that this second is radical (ie grasp things by the root!) thinking?

I put to you that Conversare (named from the Latin ‘con versare’ – to turn or to dance together) is a kind of socialising which enables people to experience a quite different from previous ways of engaging with each other.

By this I mean, quite simply, that it is a form of socialising in which participants engage with each other through exploring, in pairs of strangers (people who had not met previously) , ‘Who are you? What gives you joy in life? What gives you pain?’  (Not ‘What do you do?)

Coupled with careful listening and gently asking, ‘Why’?

In essence, for participants to explore – and to recognise – their common humanity no matter how different their ways of being may appear to be.

Over a fine, simple meal. In which the interaction in the same pairs can extend to well over an hour.

In public places, in which anyone who wishes to participate is welcome.

What Conversare is, how it came into being – a decade ago in Hong Kong – and how it has been conducted more recently in Adelaide, Australia, can be seen in diverse components related of this blog.

For example see this comment on the early beginning of these events in Hong Kong:

To me, coming to Conversare has always been like ‘going back to the future’ in a sense -it’s going back to a familiar future that i know i could expect to be welcome, let my hair down (per se) and still be appreciated; it’s a place where we’d find that giving our attention to others (like Listening) is just as enriching an experience as sharing of our own (talking)! it’s also a place that we can trust that whoever shows up is the best pick of the evening .. a place where no one leaves without feeling a bit ‘bigger’ (mind, stomach and spirit) than when they arrived !

Velda K

And these other earlier posts:

http://conversare.net/conversare-what-attracts-people-to-participate/

Also, Conversare in America

Feedback from participants in events all around our little world has invariably been ‘remarkably’ positive. As have been comments from the many hundreds of online followers.

Again, two recent examples:

1. A new comment on the post “Stepping into a generous little haven of old fashioned goodwill ” is waiting for your approval
   http://conversare.net/stepping-into-a-generous-little-haven-of-old-fashioned-goodwill/

Wonderful items from you, man. I’ve bear in mind your stuff previous to and you’re just too great. I actually like what you have received here, really like what you are stating and the way in which through which you assert it. You make it entertaining and you continue to take care of to stay it sensible. I can not wait to read much more from you. This is really a wonderful website.

2. A new comment on the post “Conversare- particularly for urban dwellers  ” is waiting for your approval
   https://conversare.net/conversare-particularly-for-urban-dwellers/

some genuinely interesting info , well written and broadly speaking user genial.

To add:

This way of engaging in conversation is complementary yet different from other forms that are currently developing momentum. Two with which I am familiar are Listen First Project, and Talking Revolution.  These while well and good, in my opinion, focus on enabling people with different political or religious view on life to come together to better understand each other.

And they are not ‘hosted’. By this I mean that there is not a means by which the ‘basic ways of ways of being together’ – analogous to the role of the conductor of orchestras and choirs – are an integral component.

Hosted Conversare events are a way of bringing ‘spirit’ out to play in the course of engaging with a stranger over a meal in exploring – while paying attention to – their common humanity. These duo interactions often last for well over an hour. Everybody present participates fully.

 

This, as would appreciate, is a different way of enabling ‘spirit’ to manifest from that in conversational processes such as Open Space Technology and The World Cafe. (I am a highly experienced facilitator of these). For, in them, the focus of participants is on an issue to address. In Conversare attention is on each other.

For a commentary on our modern way of living in cities – a very recent ‘phenomenon’ in human history see Cities and their Discontents about most of us are now living in cities.   

From the manner in which so many of us live such socially fragmented and isolated lives this coming together in a way in which to recognise and appreciate each other’s humanity seldom happens

Could it be – very likely – that our manner of living in cities – which most of now do –  is a major factor in the lack of connectedness we feel. And with this ever increasing reports of loneliness?

Here’s a poignant comment on city living of a person who has become a good friend of mine:

“But it appears that, apart from a few, there is no interest in “community”. We would all like a more friendly community, but, to be frank, nobody goes out of their way to achieve it. We have become, as a society, so insular we seem to have lost our ability to talk to anybody we don’t know. Oblivious to anyone other than our nearest and dearest. Nobody really cares about anyone but themselves. It’s a shame because life could be so much nicer just by taking the time to say “hello”. It’s not hard, but then again perhaps it is.” – Steve B

 

And now for the ‘piece de resistance’ – which came to my consciousness recently in the course of my ‘musings’ about the content of this blog post.

To be brought to the attention of those who see the potential value of introducing Conversare processes in a variety of contexts. Knowing that handled well, everybody who participates will likely benefit from the experience. Bearing in mind constantly that ‘whoever comes’ will engage willingly and respectfully with whoever they encounter in the course of considering and exploring their common humanity. And that ‘whatever happens’ is that all (or nearly all L) will have wholesome experiencing.

With these thoughts in your minds …

What about liaising with the management of a variety of public places, such as community centres, hotels, restaurants, cafes – and shopping malls…?

To suggest that they have spaces in which members of the public could be invited to participate in Conversare style events. And that you will supply a host for the events, which could be in person. Or it could be done ‘online’ provided there was the necessary connection – and possibly screen too – through which the host could give a brief overview of the process. And then indicate ‘go to it’.

A person on site could do the welcoming of those who wish to participate and provide directions on:

. choose your food, which could be a ‘reasonably’ substantial meal or a cup of tea and a biscuit – depending on the nature of the particular context. Including the nature of the invitation to participate and how any associated logistics and revenues are to be handled.

With these thoughts in my mind …

I am in the process of setting up a Facebook Group Page specifically for lively spirits who have skills and passions for facilitation/hosting.

For people, all around our little planet, who sense that a vital way of addressing precarious issues is by learning how to – and do – engage with fellow urban dweller in a very different way from which is recognised now.

This is for people who intuit that ‘Technology will not save us from climate change – but imagining new forms of society will. People who sense that ‘Hosted Conversational Happenings’ in public places is a ‘way to go …’  People who have backgrounds and passion for organising events in which anyone who wishes to come along is welcome.

One main outcome of this could be is marked reductions in the high level of loneliness reportedly now prevalent in cities. And perhaps reduction in prevalence of mental health crises too.

What about other outcomes??

 

If this ‘early-stage thinking’ appeals to you let me know and I will acknowledge – and include you – as a ‘Conversare at large’ Pioneer. J

 

Looking forward.

 

Al  

Al (formerly Alan) Stewart, PhD
Process Artist
Facilitator of conversations that matter and participatory fun

Senior Fulbright Scholar

Blog:  www.conversare.net

Member:  American Society for Cybernetics

Member: National Trouble Makers Union <smile>

Residence: Adelaide, South Australia, since 1975
With time away in the USA (1981) and Hong Kong (2005-2011)  

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“Whenever we treat each other well good things happen.”
Al Stewart

Be yourself. And be it well.

 

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson