Conversare – time for a closer look at ways of being together?

Hi there, whoever and wherever you are on our precious little fragile planet earth

Just what is meant by the title of this post?

Could it suggest that the main idea is to bring to your closer attention more key essences of this ‘often reported to be’ novel, interesting and fun  way of being together? To alert you to an opportunity which you may find illuminating and worth careful consideration?   See: Feedback and  Conversare – what it is

Particularly – perhaps – you may find of value here if you have individuals (maybe close family and others) with whom you would wish to be able to relate better, or you wish to make more friends.

Or could it be that you intuit there is something here to be looked at carefully which could prove to be interesting and potentially of personal value in changing how you go about your life?

A way of engaging with each other which is quite different from other kinds of socialising. From which may you come to see connecting with your fellow humans in a new light?

A bit of background

I invented this way of being together while living happily in Hong Kong for six years until 2011. And found that this was a difficult place in which to meet and get to know people.

And so I drew on my considerable experience and skills as a facilitator of events in which the purpose is to enable participants to address complex issues constructively. But now used these kinds of skills to encourage participants to focus on getting to know others present at a social gathering.

Which ‘worked well’ in that many people came along, often more than once, reportedly as they enjoyed being in lively company and made friends with others present.

Once back in Australia I pursued offering this kind of opportunity, initially in a city based pub and more recently in the Adelaide Central Market after trading hours on weekday nights.

With mixed success in regard to numbers participating, from about 30 on occasion to just a handful on others.

A seed of an idea

Before we get going here  what do you – wherever you live – think of the idea that anyone  who has a  passion for changing the world and some  skill as a facilitator of group processes could experience great satisfaction in convening Conversare kind of events?

Moving right along

Which has led me and my associates to review just what could be the essence of what people here may be attracted by.

For seemingly it is not enough to suggest the events are ‘to enjoy being in lively company’ or ‘to add sparkle to your life’ or ‘to relish being accepted for whoever you are by ‘like minded’ spirits’.

Which are all as reported by previous participants to be ‘well and good’.

And so am now ‘putting out’ that there is something unique about everybody present having a fine meal, in pairs, with someone they don’t know.

Something quite profound in in that there is little – as yet – common recognition of the unique experience available through participating in Conversare events.

What is this novel experience?

To become aware of – and put into practice – the four components of communicating with your dinner partner at a Conversare event. Which are outlined by the host who invites all present to attend to consciously.

# 1.  Give your dinner partner your full and undivided attention during your encounter.

#2.  Be aware that the main way in which you may learn how she or he sees life is … by asking question which indicate that you are greatly interested in hearing this.

#3.  Listen carefully to what your partner says and and also take note of the emotion(s) which underpin this.
For by reflecting this, your partner will better appreciate that you have been listening with attention to what and why they were expressing particular things.

#4. When you do add your input to the conversation be carefull not to ‘go on’ and dominate the encounter.

Now while these may come over to you as pretty basic conversational skills, how often do you use  them in your everyday life at home, at work and in the course of your usual forms of socialising?

And where else have you ever seen the opportunity to join with others who recognise that ‘boning up on these skills’ could make a substantial difference to how you relate to others – and they to you.

The proof of the pudding?

Being conscious of the amazing gifts you give and receive when you pay attention to the components of communication outlined above.

And through being aware of the remarkable insights you may have from the opportunity to converse with a stranger in a context of offering mutual respect  Which I have seen expressed as the ‘awe of encaging with a stranger’.

Here I quote from an item that was broadcast recently on our Australian Radio National. I have edited this excerpt from the program:

“Well to open yourself up to awe is to enable yourself to be mentally healthy. And one of the places where we can all find awe is in conversations with other people. If you stop and you truly listen to people, particularly people who think differently from yourself, it can be quite a life changing experience. Or meeting people whose circumstances are entirely different than your own. And just spending some time considering what life might look like from their point of view. In understanding their perspective on life you’ll often come away with a sense of a very different one about your understanding of the world.  You don’t necessarily have to follow that footstep, or agree with it. That doesn’t matter. But just some times taking the time to get some glint of understanding of it makes an incredible difference.

And just being prepared to do that. Because we live in a world that often wants to rapid fire answers. And that means we lose that reflective sense of conversation. So one of the easiest ways to be really awed in life is to become a better conversationalist and a better listener.”

How’s that for a timely reminder of the value of consciously improving your communication skills?

Which complements the experience of being in contexts in which you are alerted to be conscious of paying undivided attention to those with whom you converse.

I would add – and please take note – that the  skills which are the core of this post may not come easily to you. In fact, as you may suspect, they take constant practice.

And yet the rewards for doing so can be enormous. This little bit of wisdom may give you a sense of this. “How do you get to  Carnegie Hall?”  “Practice, practice!”

Bearing in mind – constantly …

Could knowing and practising this way of being make a difference to your life and that of others with whom you connect in your everyday doings?

        Do please feel free to comment on anything you have seen here, either below or in Contact above.

Go well

Al Stewart, PhD
Social Artist *
Ambience director of conversations that matter and participatory fun

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“Whenever we treat each other well good things happen”
Al Stewart

 

* “The role of the artist is to reveal to society a new outlook on life and the world”
Dorritt Black

Adelaide born artist Dorritt Black (1891-1951), one of Australia’s foremost modernists and one of the most important artists of her generation.

PS The date for the next Conversare event in the Adelaide Central Market will be finalised shortly.