Stepping into a generous little haven of old fashioned goodwill

The title here comes from this comment:

“The mood [in the new pastry shop in my neighbourhood] among the customers was unusually good humoured. As I stood there, enjoying the pastry smells and the friendliness of the place, I felt that I had stepped into a generous little haven of old fashioned good will.”
From a radio interview with the author of ‘Love Song’, a novel by Australian writer Alex Miller

For this captures nicely the ambience which is co-created by the host and participants in Conversare gatherings. The purpose of these is to provide opportunity for anyone who wishes to join in to have real connection to others in a space which is friendly, secure and hospitable.

This is what happens:

‘You arrive, without needing to know anyone else, are welcomed by the host and others and mix informally. When all registrants are present you sit in a circle and are introduced by the host to the principles and procedures of this way of socialising. During this time you order your food. When this is ready to be served you find someone you don’t know (or not well) and have your meal together. You then join with another pair to share what you experienced earlier. In the last part of the event participants come back into a circle and are invited to express their feelings and observations on being present.

Said participants in recent events in Adelaide:

“I arrived at the pub feeling quite nervous about mixing with strangers. This changed after the first 10 minutes or so and was replaced with feelings of excitement. i think the little round we did together to say why we had come was a good ice breaker.“
Nicole Lionnet

“I feel very at ease with this method of socialising.  I sensed that all the participants were willing to engage, and there was no pressure to be divulging anything that didn’t feel fitting in this setting.  The only expectation was that all would engage – and that seemed to be embraced with enthusiasm … From the early part of the evening I got to talk with a few of those there, and I was glad that I had that time.  I would have been happy to dine and converse with anyone present.  I think the Whitmore Pub is a fabulous venue for the Conversare evenings.  I do appreciate what Peter Hogan offers in every aspect – furniture, atmosphere, welcome and food +.”
Ruth French

“After hearing about this seemingly ordinary event, I had become more and more curious and just a little nervous. And then I had to see for myself if a simple night of talking to a new group of people could actually be special. Would we need a topic to get us started? Was it a book club without a book?

But from the first moments everything seemed so familiar and fine. I felt assured we were in good hands with our host, in a welcoming venue, and very quickly I was part of a great little group of people who had also volunteered one evening of life where we were the entertainment – becoming an event that will not ever happen again.”
Tim Walsh

“At the conversare there was sufficient space to speak honestly and to listen. By space I don’t just mean physical space but there was also sufficient time. It was also quiet enough not to be distracted by the people on the next table, although they were in close proximity. This enabled us to focus on the person in front of us. That lent a sharpness or clarity to what we may have said. It was easy to relate for this reason.”
Carmen Liddane

Bearing in mind that Conversare caters for the desires of people who:

. are curious to experience this new kind of get together.

. yearn for rich conversation.

. like to be participants rather than spectators on occasion.

. are on the lookout for interesting ways to connect with others.

. recognise that, while there is always some risk in meeting new people, isn’t this what the adventure of life is about?

. feel secure in the knowledge that a host will welcome them and set them at their ease.

.  are prepared to give of themselves through being interested in the people  they will meet rather than trying to impress them.

. intuit that this way of connecting can be deeply satisfying.

Imagine if such a facility was available widely in local neighbourhood places such as (space set aside) in cafes, pubs, community centres, parks, libraries in which food is served or can be catered in?

With a host recruited for events whose services may be paid by the venue or provided voluntarily, depending on the circumstances.

What difference could this make to the lives of people who yearn to engage well in conversation with others in their neighbourhoods? There are many such people, among whom are those who experience chronic social isolation and associate loneliness.

What if an opportunity was created to enable a number of people to acquire the skills to host this kind of get together in their local café, pub or  community centre?

What could happen?

Alan Stewart
Adelaide