Speaking to human beings

I wish to bring two key ideas to your attention. Actually it is one seminal idea!

I’ll introduce the first, about conversation being a dance, in this post and address how it is also part of the second in my next, abw (all being well).

These are both integral to the way of socialising, called Conversare, in which the essence is to have gatherings in public places in which all present have the opportunity to have a meal with a stranger.

Why would anyone do this? Many people have told me that this is last thing on earth they would want to do! “What if the person turns out to be utterly boring, or with whom I have nothing in common, or who is nasty?”

Such comments quickly indicate that the person making them is not aware that these are only expressions of ‘unexamined’ thoughts. For there is no such individual who is generally considered to have these characteristics. Would you agree that what is construed of their duo partner as ‘boring’ indicates the lack of ability of this partner to use their conversational skills to elicit interesting stories – which everyone has – or to encourage the ‘boring’ person to ask a question!

Returning to the question of ‘Why talk to a stranger?’ there are several answers, among them being ‘This is most interesting, illuminating, entertaining and FUN! – as many participants have reported. See Feedback.

What do you think of the notion that even more significant is that this is a remarkable opportunity to become more aware of what are conversational skills – and why they are worth developing and practicing in order to succeed in life?

Given that this opportunity is happening in a context in which everybody present is doing the same, nobody is excluded and the chances are that every person who gets into the spirit of the gathering will go away with a sense of having experienced something very special.

What is this? I suggest that it is awareness of having entered a dance of conversation with someone. For this is what conversation is – a dance.

Does now being aware of this – or at least having a beginning feeling of what this could mean in your life – resonate with you?

I have come to know this from diverse people and now to experience it in everyday life. Which as you may intuit brings much joy, learning, satisfaction and FUN. <smile>

One of the people who has had a substantial influence on my way of being is Heinz von Foerster.

I twice  met this most remarkable person, ‘a man of great mind, heart and soul’, 20 years apart. The first was in 1981 when I was a Senior Fulbright Scholar at Stanford University in California, USA. The second was at his home on Rattlesnake Hill, Pescadero, (near Santa Cruz),California  in 2001, not long before he died.

This excerpt from a conversation with one of his many friends may help you to see what I am pointing to:

Living in the dance

Heinz von Foerster

Question: How can someone in the everyday world see this most easily, this dance metaphor? In poetry?

Answer: I think it is played out in every way that anybody talks to each other. If I buy a ticket for the movie, I have a conversation with the lady behind the window. And I smile, and she smiles back. And we have become friends for two seconds. And we have contacted another human being. And this is probably what makes some people a little bit queasy about me. This is my personal fun which I have in life, to contact other people in such a way that the other is taking notice of me.

You know my funny statement, the hearer and not the speaker determines the meaning of an utterance. And if you know that, then you need to determine how you must speak so that the hearer is dancing with you.

Q: So it makes sense that someone who is a performer you would use some of that body language to help that dance take place.

A: Yes. But I don’t play the tricks. What I do is, I aim that way. If I step up to the ticket counter, I know I’m speaking to a human being.

From Christina Waters
http://www.univie.ac.at/constructivism/HvF/festschrift/waters.html

Want to learn more?  Watch this space! 

 And become a person among many others all around our little planet who finds much value in having and sharing my new book. Time to converse – at the heart of human warmth <smile>

 Looking forward

 

Alan Stewart
Adelaide

“If there’s dancing count me in.”

PS A clue to the complement to this post can be seen here.