Purpose of Conversare revisited

Participants in Conversare events reportedly have different experiences. One, for example, became more aware of the significance of her father in her life when talking with one other about ‘a person who is most memorable to me.’ Another learned a lot about himself and how little attention he was giving to his family, which was a great shock to him. A third came to appreciate how much the pair had in common even thought they lived very different lives.

Perhaps this diversity of experiencing is what makes it somewhat difficult to define precisely what Conversare is and what are the benefits of participation.

One suggestion to redress this is to be ‘more focused’ by targeting people who have a good reason for wanting to meet and talk with strangers. Especially people whose business entails having to deal with others who may have no particular interest into talking with them, such as financial planners and insurance salespeople. And people new to selling, receptionists etc.

Plus, more generally, those who lack confidence in connecting with strangers, such as single people, people who have changed jobs or where they live, people recently separated, widowed or divorced. Or those exploring possibilities for retirement.

The purpose, however, is not to encourage people to come to Conversare with the expectation of gaining such outcomes for themselves. While  anyone is welcome to come along.

It is to have the rich experience of engaging deeply with a stranger over a meal. With the starting points of much ‘unknown’ and minimum judgment  of self or of the other. And with the prospect of mutual delight and pleasure arising from what is uncovered – and invented – through cooperative exploration.

The design of gatherings is to make this possible. It is also as a balance to the increasingly predominant digital means of communication, such as the social media Facebook and Twitter. While these have their place, the personal interaction in their use has been described as ‘insubstantial connectivity’ not least as there is no real listening or giving of oneself.

This happens in contexts in which those present participate. By this I mean they come with a sense of curiosity as to who they will encounter and that they give of themselves. Once the choices have been made as to who will pair up to share a meal together, have a keen sense of anticipation of the pleasure of getting to know the other person, no matter who this is. Essentially around questions of ‘Who are you and how are you?’ Then do it!

On the premises that ‘Whoever comes is the right people’ and that ‘This person represents humanity.’ She or he has a unique perspective of what it means to be human and there is much that I may learn from this conversing. Also that ‘Wherever this encounter is happening is the right place.’

Knowing too that the encounter will bring likely surprises and pleasure at the time, and to reflect on afterwards. Also with the thought in mind that you may not ever see the person again, which often is the case.

How does taking part in such encounters appeal to you?

Could the diversity of unexpected experiencing be the essence the enterprise?

And what do you think of the idea that ‘Eating together [particularly with strangers] is the new social networking’? (Saul Griffith)

Alan Stewart
Adelaide