Conversare – perspectives and related observations

In my observations the prospect of spending time conversing with a stranger in a context designed to do this evokes two main responses.

“What a good idea! Please put me on the list to let me know when this will be happening.”

“I wouldn’t dream of coming to something like that as I would feel too uncomfortable. Speaking with people I know is fine but with someone I don’t – no!”

And yet who hasn’t had such opportunities, perhaps when travelling, particularly when flying? Do you have fond memories of this when you happened to engage with the person next to you in which you exchanged stories and opinions?  Knowing that you would likely not ever meet or connect again, and recognising that time seemed to pass swiftly and enjoyably.

This kind of experience is readily available in the area where I live. For there is a half hour journey on a suburban train line into the central city station.  While taking this I have noticed people who have boarded at different stops start talking to each other.  Not very often but it does happen.

In my case I invariably find that asking a question such as “Have you seen the weather forecast for today?”or if I comment on item in a newspaper the person is carrying – while not reading it at the time – this starts the interaction.

The point here is that it doesn’t matter what you say, if you do it with a smile. For the person(s) will often respond in a way that shows that they are happy to engage. When this happens it is astonishing what may emerge.

Just three instances that come to my mind are:

.  the person telling me that he was one of the first recipients in this part of the world of a liver transplant.  And that he was most grateful for the gift.

.  a teenager boy who had every Friday off school and he was going to the city because “I have nothing to do.” When I asked him what he had in mind after he had left school he said “Be a tyre fitter.” I felt compelled to suggest “Could this be a bit boring as a career?”

. an elderly lady who hobbled onto the train just as it was due to depart. There was a seat next to me and so I said “This is being reserved for you!” At which she smiled and we were ‘off to the races’.  By this I mean that a lively conversation followed during which I learned about her experiencing great pain from a recent operation to replace a whole knee. And that she was a volunteer on a program to take people with severe intellectual disabilities on holidays. This could be for as long as a week, during which time she had to attend to every need of her charges, including toileting and feeding. Two points she made stood out for me: “I do this to give back to my community.” And “If you think you have problems, consider what people who have lifelong intellectual disabilities have to endure.”

Coming back to what participants in Conversare events have reported from interacting with strangers, see here.

And given:

. such  ‘heart felt’ comments.

. the many requests received to “Please keep me informed when these gatherings are happening.”

. the likely location for these is a readily accessible venue in the centre of Adelaide. See updated Forthcoming Events.

. the benefits which could flow to this venue from being recognised as a place for people from any background to engage with each other respectfully and enjoyably.

. a professional event organiser asking to be considered  as part of the management team …

it won’t be long before the show is on the road!

What do you reckon it could it mean for widespread awareness that such kinds of places purely for conversing – turning and dancing together – are available?

Looking forward

Alan Stewart, PhD
Adelaide

PS Here are comments recently received about the experience of being in a Conversare gathering  in America – which you may also perceive as being delightful:

“The room was filled with people of all ages in a way that felt natural and as if we had all come home. The dialogue was engaging, but the overall feel of being part of a greater joining is what comes to mind.”
Karen Head

“It was a great exchange and a new understandings and unexpected connections emerged.”
Juanita Brown

 And on the new print edition of my book Time to converse – at the heart of human warmth.

 “A mutual friend generously gave me a copy of your brilliant little book ‘Time to converse’. It’s a treasure.  I just ate up every page.  I pick it up and allow a page to open so it chooses to fill me up. The quotes and the essence speak to me profoundly.”
Robyn Stratton-Berkessel

“I love what you are saying … I will definitely be quoting many passages from your book.

It was a joy to read. You appreciated the warmth that people need in their relationships …in their meeting one another. You have put to words the connectedness and warmth of relationship that people long for – even when they don’t realize this is what they long for.

Sometimes Alan people are attached to what is not healthy- to the suffering of the world and dysfunctional interests of society (eg pornography) they don’t realize that their soul needs the basic stuff of warm connectedness to others, and being ‘met’ by others. (Some do but many don’t). You capture in words the beauty and the value of human relations.”
Kate Barrett-Lennard

“I enjoy the way in which the book can be opened at any page, anytime and there is conversation and not a little wisdom!  (and CCD and con-doms – very funny).”
Elspeth Findlay