Conversare and ‘rethinking love’

The original idea of having gatherings of people who may not know each other in public places, with a host to do the welcoming and to set the scene, was mainly for social purposes.

The first of these were held in Hong Kong which is a place in which it is very difficult to meet new people outside of the particular domain in which you work, such as business, health, education, government …

The format proved popular for this purpose and many participants reportedly enjoyed the events and some went on to establish wider friendships. For whenever they happened to bump into someone who had also been present at a gathering there was instant rapport and the possibility of getting together again.

What has become increasingly apparent is that there is another valuable purpose underlying the opportunity to have a rich encounter with someone you have not met previously, or at least not face to face. This is to become more aware of what conversation skills are and why such expanded consciousness matters.

What are the skills which people who are competent and confident conversationalists have?

Essentially

. knowing how to ask questions which indicate that you are interested in the other person.

And doing this. How many people of your acquaintance actually ask questions which show that they wish to know how you are feeling or what your opinion is? How aware are you of your own such doing?

. speaking in ways which empower the listener.

. listening in ways which empower the speaker.

There are many and varied contexts in which these skills can be applied to the mutual benefit of whoever you happen to encounter.

For such benefit can be enormous when a conversation is based on mutual respect and being open to learn from the others’ experience.

Particularly once you come to recognise that:

Whenever we treat each other well good things happen.

To come back to the opportunity presented by having an encounter with a stranger, which as mentioned, Conversare style gatherings may be ‘purpose’ designed.

Here are two ‘takes’ on what to have in mind to make the most use of, and to gain most mutual value from, this kind of opportunity:

They are both about ‘rethinking love’ – to be a way of treating each other  well no matter who we or they are and however fleeting the encounter may be.

See: ‘The One You’re With’ by Barbara Fredrickson

http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/463/the_one_youre_with

and

“ … to love God and to love the person in front of you at any time.”

Jimmy Carter, former president of the United States of America, while on a mission trip in Massachusetts, met a man named Eloy Cruz who said this: “We only need to have two loves in our lives: for God, and for the person who happens to be in front of us at any time.”

Whether or not you have a religious faith what do you think of the idea that we do well – and achieve well – whenever we act thoughtfully, imaginatively and playfully with whoever it is we encounter?

Which takes a bit of doing!

And yet, and yet …are Conversare type social gatherings a place to do this and to see for yourself how wholesome are the outcomes?

 What could this mean for your way of being and becoming? And of those whose lives you touch regularly or only fleetingly?

 Looking forward

Go well

 

Alan Stewart

Adelaide

For more on these ‘liberations’ see the new 4th edition of my famous little book Time to converse – at the heart of human warmth