Conversare – an opportunity to give of ourselves, thoughtfully

In my previous post. I touched on the fact that loneliness is reportedly widespread in modern urban life. Some of this, I contend, can be attributed to people having poor conversational skills.

By this I mean that the ability to engage in ways which show genuine interest in ‘the other’ is not well developed. Nor is the related skill of careful listening.

Would you go along with this contention?

Among the reasons for this is that nowhere in our educational experience is there a specific focus on what conversation is and why having good skills – particularly in listening and questioning – as a conversationalist can be of great value in how we handle life.

Which means, in principle, that loneliness can be linked to inability or unwillingness to initiate conversations – to make the first moves – because we lack confidence in how to do this. .

And in practice, that nothing will change until we do learn what to do – and act on this knowing. For we are each responsible for taking action to change what we perceive is missing in our lives.

What is the starting point for acting to change our feelings of loneliness?

 Could this be that, instead of seeking to ‘get’ something by doing this, we see that this is a means to ‘give’ of ourselves?

Here is a lovely little video  through which to become more aware of a very powerful way of expressing this question – and what difference this could make to your life too.

You may find that this ‘I like giving’ resonates with you too.  <smile>

What if there were opportunities to practice giving of yourself in contexts which are designed specifically for this? Contexts in which everyone present was doing the same.

This is precisely what happens in Conversare gatherings. For having a conversation over a meal with someone you have not met previously provides the opportunity to give of yourself by being interested to learn about your companion.

No matter who this is. For you recognise that you are in a situation in which all are welcome and included and in which there is little judgment, no sense of there being ‘them and us,’ regardless of who also has shown up.

Does this seem to you as, while a little ‘scary’, this is a different and interesting way to get together? With the possibility of experiencing wholesome connecting and having a highly enjoyable and satisfying time.

Also reminding you that face-to-face conversation is the most enlivening and enriching way of connecting with others. And a nice change from staring at a TV or communicating with a little screen in front of you and a little plug in your ear! And no multitasking going on …

Can you see that this could happen in many contexts such as local cafes and community centres? For help could be at hand if someone in your vicinity takes on the role of organising and hosting Conversare style gatherings in public places.

In the city where I live, Adelaide in Australia, the local council has recently created a new program called Placemaking Strategy. Watch this space for potential developments in creating new ways for citizens to get to meet each other, ‘givingly.’  <smile>

When this happens could it make a substantial difference to many people’s lives, not least in reducing loneliness? And increasing friendship!

 Could something similar happen in your part of our little planet, 3^rd from the sun?

Looking forward

Alan

 

Alan Stewart. PhD
Adelaide

Em: alan@multimindsolutions.com
Mob/Cell +61413848680