Conversare – a new way to address loneliness through socialising in public places
Preamble
I have developed a unique and likely effective way of tackling loneliness, over the past decade. This is a new social process, well considered by diverse colleagues and previous participants. Now being brought to wider attention.
Named Conversare (pronounced conversary) from the Latin: con versare: to turn or to dance together.
A peruse of posts on www.conversare.net – when you feel you have the time to do this – could give you an insight into what this process is, where it ‘came from’ – starting in Hong Kong a decade ago – and how it may be of interest and of value to you for your purposes. It is commented on as being of great value to them by many people who read these blog posts.
Do have a look at feedback from previous participants.
What is the essence of conversare?
This is to enable people to experience being in friendly conversational events with those they have not met previously.
In a way, expressed nicely,J
‘When you listen to somebody else, whether you like it or not, what they say becomes a part of you …the common pool is created, where people begin suspending their own opinions and listening to other peoples’… At some point people begin recognising that the common pool is more important than their separate pools.’ David Bohm
Now there is the possibility of following up by participating in a course on ‘Conversation Skills’. See below.
Who are these events mainly for?
People who experience profound loneliness.
In essence a proposed radical way of enhancing ‘sociability’ by coming together to join in lively, friendly, respectful conversing. And, by doing this, reduce the widespread – some would say ‘desperate’ – loneliness now pervading western societies.
Among many commentaries on this are:
Loneliness is a social cancer, every bit as alarming as cancer itself
https://theconversation.com/loneliness-on-the-rise-as-our-cities-atomise-6068
https://www.abc.net.au/life/social-isolation-why-are-we-so-lonely/10493414
Plus the UK now has created a ‘Ministry of Loneliness’!
And a pervasive view that ‘We don’t know what to do about loneliness in modern life’.
I wonder if you begin to sense a ‘glimmer’ of the potential value about this to you – and possibly to your associates too – of what is now coming to your notice?
This ‘way’ that I refer to happens in the context of hosted events for members of the public, auspiced by the managements of particular places.
Social events in which everyone present participates fully and treats each other well.
Given that skilled hosting of such groups – similar to conducting of orchestras or choirs – is integral to enabling all present to participate in a confident yet relaxed manner in this novel kind of social gathering.
Who are the main beneficiaries from the introduction of the new social process?
People who seldom experience connecting with others in satisfying ways. Or who could be attracted to come along by this novel, interesting and enjoyable way of socialising.
Which is to be in wholesome, friendly, non-threatening conversation with others who are strangers to them, while they live in the same neighbourhood.
Particularly for those who experience deep seated loneliness. Also those who appreciate being in conversation and feel they do not have enough of this.
Who could bring this into being, carefully and successfully?
Two main groups, in concert with each other:
Owners/managers of places such cafes, hotels, community centres who sponsor the process on their premises.
Who become widely acknowledged and acclaimed for acting to promote ‘sociability’ in their public places.
. Skilled professionals who host the events.
First, I see a key distinction:
Facilitators work with organizations of many kinds to enable them to address complex issues constructively in the future.
Hosts help set the scene at social events to help ensure that everyone present appreciates their role and has an enjoyable and memorable experience.
These professionals, in my experience and opinion, have overlapping skills.
With respect to hosting events based on Conversare in public places these key persons take the role of welcoming all present and outlining the principles and procedures which underpin them.
Among which are – expressed by the host:
Whoever is present are the right people.
We are here to give not to get.
Keep in mind these ‘ways of being and doing’:
. there is a fine meal available (linked to the ancient notion of ‘breaking bread together. Just how this is done will vary with context).
. once you have chosen your meal look around and find someone you have not met previously – a stranger – with whom to share the meal time.
. ‘give your dinner partner your full attention by listening carefully, asking questions which indicate your interest, reflect back what you have heard to indicate that you are fully present’.
. everyone present does this.
At the end come back into small groups to share your experience. Mainly about what surprised and delighted from the exchanging. For example, how mealtime partners had similarities in their ways of seeing life even though they may have very different backgrounds.
The event is concluded by the host who says “While you may not ever meet your mealtime partner again you may have learned something about that person – and about yourself – which you value. And that if you ever ‘bump into’ any others present you will immediately have a fine connection”.
To add:
A real possibility is now developing about offering a short course on ‘Conversational Skills’ to participants in Conversare events. To be conducted by a colleague who already does this professionally, mainly at community centres.
This is for people who have come to the realisation that their lives could be changed substantially for the better if they undertook training in such skills from an expert in this field.
To conclude:
If anything here appeals to you what about alerting others to these novel and significant opportunities?
Looking forward
Al
Al (formerly Alan) Stewart, PhD
Process Artist
Facilitator of conversations that matter and participatory fun
Senior Fulbright Scholar
Blog: www.conversare.net
Member: American Society for Cybernetics
Member: National Trouble Makers Union <smile>
Residence: Adelaide, South Australia, since 1975
With time away in the USA (1981) and Hong Kong (2005-2011)
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“Whenever we treat each other well good things happen.”
Al Stewart
Be yourself. And be it well.
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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