Can we talk? Yes we can!

The American comedian, Joan Rivers, by asking her signature question, “Can we talk?” invited all of us both explicitly and implicitly to confront the question, “Can you and I talk?” The history of her quip is that when she asked the question, “Can we talk?” she received a huge laugh. She said it was the laughter that prompted her to continue using it in her comic routines.

Why do we laugh at the question, “Can we talk?” One answer is:

“You’ve got to be kidding!” “Talk? We don’t talk, not really!” Living in the world today, we are provided with frequently occurring examples of the validity of the above statement. “We don’t talk, not really” For me, the answer to the question, “Can we talk?” is not to laugh, instead it is to feel a deep sorrow or pain associated with how far away from really talking we have come!”
Anne Adams

What do you see as the significance of the question? Would you go along with Anne’s comment?

There is ever growing recognition that, for many of us, face to face conversation is giving way to other means of connecting with others and/or we are becoming increasingly socially isolated.

These happen for a variety of reasons. One is our escalating reliance on technologies of digital connection leading to plugged-in ways of living. Isn’t it amazing how much time and effort some people expend in communicating through little plugs in their ears or little screens in their faces?

Another is that we shut ourselves away from the world in our own little – or large – dwelling boxes and become submerged in watching TV and/or computer games. And so become mesmerised by celebrities and other distractions from relating well in person, leading to being anxious about meeting new people.

Does this matter? Indeed it does if these substitute for real conversation, face to face engagement with people. Not doing this imposes severe limits to who we are and what we contribute to everyday life around us.

For it is through taking the risk of being in conversation that we give to others and learn about  ourselves. By respectful questioning and careful listening to the concerns and joys of those around us, by sharing our own and by reflecting on such encounters we become more interested – and interesting – human beings.

Conversare gatherings are designed with this purpose in mind. They provided a safe and friendly context – a little haven of old fashioned goodwill – in which talking to each other happens naturally and easily. And in which all who come are made to feel most welcome and included.

The idea for this was conceived in Adelaide in South Australia and then trial tested and refined while I was away in Hong Kong for six years. See feedback from people who participated in events there.

Now that I am back living in Adelaide these events are now happening in a pub near to my home. This is the south west corner of the city known as the ‘Beirut of Adelaide.’ Where the owner of this venue, the Whitmore Hotel, sees that making his place available for these gatherings is a way to establish it as a hub of community activity. (There is also a lot of live music there).

So much so that he now has on display four posters A2 sized, two on outside walls and two inside, close to the lounge room in which the events are held.

I wonder if you see that this new way of socialising, not ever available until now, could be just what you are yearning for – the opportunity to participate in lively and enjoyable conversation?

Do you long to be in conversation again? Would you enjoy being really listened to? Do you feel as expressed here:

“We are hungry for a chance to talk. People want to tell their story, and are willing to listen to yours. People want to talk about their concerns and struggles. Too many of us feel isolated, strange, or invisible. Conversation helps end that.”
Meg Wheatley in ‘Turning to one another’

Here is your opportunity. Be brave – its time to be courageous and step out!

 

 

Alan Stewart

Adelaide