Being in a conversing community

We hear the word ‘community’ used a lot these days without being clear what the users have in mind.  With the term ‘conversing community’ I suggest that, through being a participant in a Conversare gathering (which lasts for about three hours), you feel you are among like minded others. And are accepted for who you are, no matter if you have not met any of the others previously.

If you do encounter anyone present subsequently your mutual experience of being in this ‘conversational community’ will make for a good connection. Can you think of other contexts of informal mixing from which you could later feel very comfortable in saying ‘hello’ cheerfully and engagingly with anyone who was also a participant, whether or not you spoke to them personally at the event?

This happens even though there are reportedly diverse reasons for why people choose to  come. Among these are “I long for conversation and am delighted to now be able to do this”, “My life is at a turning point and I am looking for new ways to connect with people”, “I live in a place in which there are few opportunities to expand my social circle”, ‘I have difficulty in meeting new people and come along to experience how to do this”, “It’s better than doing my washing on a Monday night!”

At the core of these, as you may be aware, is something quite fundamental which in our modern, busy way of life tends to be overlooked. This is, in the words of a friend in Vancouver:

“I do not think most people realize how profoundly true it is that we indeed live in networks of conversations. Conversations are not just something we do among other doings; they are our human niche, we live in a world formed through conversation. Conversations make one world or another; not only in how we relate to each other, but in how the whole lived world arises around us. What we see, feel, do…. all of it arises through conversation. It is the matrix of our existence, so we do not see its presence in every moment.”
Pille Bunnell

Are you aware of this? If not this is unsurprising as there is scant attention in modern society to just what conversation is in everyday life, what skills are necessary to do it well and where we may learn these skills. Can you identify people in your life, or who you have met at some stage, who you would say was a good conversationalist?

Conversare provides an opportunity to experience being in respectful conversation. For all that is asked of those who choose to come along is that they participate – actively engage with whoever they happen to meet – with others through being interested in them.

How is this interest expressed? Through thoughtful, care-full questioning and attentive listening.

Being able to do this without any prior preparation ‘just happens.’ As a first time participant in a recent event commented, “In the hands of our host conversation flowed.”

Which is recognition of two key features of these gatherings, namely that for a group of people who may not know each other to assemble in a public place purely for the joy of engaging well with each other:

. there has to be a host who sets people at their ease and who co-creates with participants a context in which those present feel secure in conversing with whoever they happen to encounter.

. when the intention is made clear in the invitation and in the welcoming “We are here to converse – to treat each other well” – this happens!

Other components which contribute to the spirit of the gatherings are:

. the manner in which participants seize the opportunity on offer to go deeply with ‘the others’ with whom they engage about matters such as ‘Who are you and what are your interests? ‘

. the venue – the place – which in this case in Adelaide is a hospitable pub which serves excellent food. And recently was particularly cosy with an open fire in a corner. Around which we all sat initially in the course of meeting everyone present and hearing of the ‘light touch’ guidelines provided by the host for the procedure of the evening. And returned to there for the ‘wrap’ to share observations and experiences of being a participant.

During this a visitor from Perth noted: “It would be wonderful if people did this in other places too.”  Which could be a premonition of things to come!

For there are already lively people continuing what was started in Hong Kong and recently several intrepid spirits have indicated that they would wish to become Conversare hosts, in Australia,  Indonesia and in the USA.

These latter have expressed that, while they have not yet having experienced being ‘in it’, they see value in the risk of taking on this role.  Hearing that  it is ‘wholesome stuf’f” as reported by participants here and in Hong Kong.

Could it be that if you take the risk of stepping out of your comfort zone into the welcoming zone of these get togethers you too would have an enriching  and enjoyable experience?

And what do you reckon could be benefits to the others from your presence?  

 

Alan Stewart
Adelaide

 

In our globalised world, everybody is fast becoming our neighbour.
To be treated well.
Forever.