Can we talk? Yes indeed!

One of my little disappointments in life is that, while in New York City in 2010, I missed seeing the legendary comic Joan Rivers. According to a poster which had caught my eye, she was to perform at a theatre near where I was staying. On arriving there I was puzzled by no sign of anyone else. Which was not surprising at the show was to be the following night, by which time I would be gone! 🙁

My wishing to see Joan ‘live’ stemmed particularly from knowing of her famous line “Can we talk?”

By asking this signature question, Joan invited all of us both explicitly and implicitly to confront the question, “Can you and I talk?” The history of her quip is that when she asked the question, “Can we talk?” she received a huge laugh. She said it was the laughter that prompted her to continue using it in her comic routines.

Why do we laugh at the question, “Can we talk?” One answer is:

“You’ve got to be kidding!” “Talk? We don’t talk, not really!” Living in the world today, we are provided with frequently occurring examples of the validity of the above statement.  For me, the answer to the question, “Can we talk?” is not to laugh, instead it is to feel a deep sorrow or pain associated with how far away from really talking we have come!”
Anne Adams

What do you see as the significance of the question? Would you go along with Anne’s comment?

There is ever growing recognition that, for many of us, face to face conversation is giving way to other means of connecting with others and/or we are becoming increasingly socially isolated.

These happen for a variety of reasons. One is our escalating reliance on technologies of digital connection leading to plugged-in ways of living. Isn’t it amazing how much time and effort some people expend in communicating through little plugs in their ears or little screens in their faces?

Another is that we shut ourselves away from the world in our own little – or large – dwelling boxes and become submerged in watching TV and/or computer games. And so become mesmerised by celebrities and other distractions from relating well in person, leading to being anxious about meeting new people.

Does this matter? Indeed it does if these substitute for real conversation in face to face talking in which people are interested in each other, ask good questions and listen carefully. Not doing this imposes severe limits to who we are, what we know of ourselves, what we contribute to everyday life around us – and how much human warmth we generate.

For it is through taking the risk of being in conversation that we give to others and learn about  ourselves. By respectful questioning and careful listening to the concerns and joys of those around us, by sharing our own and by reflecting on such encounters we become more interested – and interesting – human beings.

Do you find that if you go to virtually any public place, such as an art gallery, museum, pub, bus, supermarket there is no opportunity to engage in satisfying conversation?

Conversare has been created and developed precisely to provide contexts in which people do talk. Where everyone present is welcome and where all are doing the same – interacting comfortably with a ‘duet’ partner over a meal and with others before and after this.

How does going to a public place in which you quickly feel included and able to talk naturally and easily with whoever is present appeal to you?

A public place in which you appreciate that you don’t need to consume a lot of alcohol in order to feel confident to talk to those around you. A feeling that you could find very satisfying!

I have recently submitted an application to provide such an opportunity in a friendly restaurant in the CBD (Central Business District) of Adelaide in South Australia. Could this add a lovely new dimension to the culture of city life here – and be recognised to be of potentially great value in other places too?

Alan Stewart
Adelaide

Whenever we treat each other well good things happen.

See my new e-booklet Time to converse – at the heart of human warmth

Note:  You do not need to have a kindle device to read this booklet.  You can read it on a downloadable kindle reader for PCs.

 

“Do not become overly gratified with your own knowledge base, it is meaningless if it does not spread, circulate and motivate.”
Gore Vidal

Let it not be said that he held back …